Where am I

I don't belong anywhere. The Explorer is nearly packed. I don't belong here in Peoria. I'm packed and ready to go. I need to get to Indy. I don't belong in Peoria - said goodbyes to the Rhodell brewing friends weeks ago. I don't belong in Gfield. I'm in a hotel. Nobody belongs in a hotel room. Can't justify a suite but even then, that's not a place to belong. I don't belong at Elanco. I'm still a stranger in a strange place. Friendly enough but I don't know what I'm doing there. Shit, they can't even get my Elanco computer up. And my HGS one won't connect. I don't belong at H1. I said goodbye a week ago. No goodbye party. No promotion party. Some tears and quiet conversation and lots of hugs. A week ago. Thursday I was back but I was truly visiting. Nobody touched my desk. Now they had better. I don't belong at Greenfield Village. I have a three month lease. I may as well pay it all up front. I'm taking folding chairs and a card table. How temporary is that. Not even electricity for a few days (which makes a hotel attractive). I'm without a place.

I feel like I'm 20something, wet behind the ears, unexperienced, just-starting out. Odd.

Sitting in hotel in G'field knowing in the next days I should be asking a lot of questions and I'm drawing a blank. Be yourself. Remake yourself.

Today was my last day at a location I've worked for 3 years, a client I've worked with for 7 and a city I've worked in for 20+. I don't think my mind has wrapped around that I've cleaned out my desk, that I will not be going back to it. Ever. That on Monday I am going to a different office, in a different state, for a different client, in a different role, not to visit or work in for 2 weeks, but to stay. As clever as my brain is, it just can't truly grasp it. I get that I won't be working with the same folks, and the sadness that comes with it. But The New just isn't sinking in. Perhaps I should keep track of these thoughts that are popping into my head. Waking up this useless, self stroking old "blog" may be the spot. I scooted out while people important to me were in a meeting. On purpose. And perhaps pissing some folks off. There were probably a couple people that wanted a hug or a chance at goodbye. But I had said my goodbyes over a week ago when I told them I was moving on. And then individually over the time since. And I'm back in a few days for a meeting and anniversary celebration - which I hope does not become about me. So there will be more goodbyes then. I don't want to do this twice. Once is enough. I have a problem with parting. Maybe some will understand.